i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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