i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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