I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
