Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
this will be a night to untag.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
