Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
