I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
