He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
