Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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