Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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