Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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