So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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