My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
