just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
