Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
