I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
