is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
