She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
