i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
