Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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