hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I smell stomach acid.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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