So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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