I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
