He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
