my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
