Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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