You can't special order awesome
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
