He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
His nipple licking is glorious
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