Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
