Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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