The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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