I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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