Your face is a jimmy john
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
