After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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