I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
