her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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