I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
