I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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