trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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