alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize