so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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