is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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