I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
