i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
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i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
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Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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