GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
wow bdsm is so cute
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