i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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