It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
