Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
