and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm passing your future prison.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
