You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
