I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
