dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
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I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
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Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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