I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
