Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
