dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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