this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Will exercising make me less horny?
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