tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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