Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
