I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
