Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
