I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
