Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
