and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
