this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
