I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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