i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
