he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
