Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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