theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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