Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
