its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I don't deserve a penis
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
