Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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