Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
