I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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