Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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