It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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