tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
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I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
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Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I would ride that face into the sunset
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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