We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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