you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
