Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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